वत्स इम्पोर्तंत तो माय Soul

Im thinking maybe Im not a true artist. Making art just for the sake of making it leaves me empty and depressed. I do not get any enjoyment out of making pretty pictures. I get even less enjoyment out of putting my feelings down on paper visually, because it ends up either being perverse or kindergarten silly, both of which I detest looking at, much less taking credit for.
What is important to me and feeds my soul, is interaction between people involving my art. Its important that my art supports me versus I support my art, in every way, emotionally and financially. Otherwise why do it. That goes against everything Ive been told growing up about what a true artist is. Weve all heard about starving artists, artists who have value only after their death, and artists who art no matter what their circumstances because their soul dictates they must or die. That does not describe me. So am I only pretending to be an artist? Im a great executioner of art but I have to get something back for it. Do I have the true soul of an artist?
All my life I have felt like a failure. I never achieved much other than I survived. I found out much later that I had a mental illness described by at least three alphabet labels. I struggled to take care of myself financially and barely made it. Menopause hit and I couldnt do it anymore. I was dead tired. I had to go on disability and finally had the time to start doing what I really wanted to do versus what I had to do to survive. My love of art was given expression. My desire was to get off disability and finally support myself through something I loved. I wasnt very good at first, but I didnt give up because I had a noble goal that I knew I could achieve. My art is now great and able to support me. But it doesnt. My house is filling up with pretty pictures, frames, and all the stuff of an artist. I would be better served with a studio, but I cant afford it. Opportunities to show my art are limited, so I drown in my art.
It comes down to me needing to feel good about myself by paying my way in life like normal people do. I want to feel good about myself for finally taking care of myself doing what is uniquely me but I must receive something back in return.

माय आईडिया तो स्टार्ट Equality

Wouldnt it be nice if all people could have ownership of property? We artists, who are traditionally thought of as "starving", as well as anyone who has a smallish income? Impossible? I think about this alot and Ive been fine tuning my plan in my head for some time now.
The answer is in renting a space to live. Most people rent when they cant afford to buy. What if everyones rent went to pay a mortgage, the mortgage you are helping to pay when you rent, that someone else possesses. Or if that landlord owns property free and clear, the renter would be purchasing a portion. This means it would be illegal for any landlord (primary mortgage holder) to rent or lease his personal or business space to anyone who pays to live there, without giving part ownership of the property. The renter would own exactly what portion of the mortgage he paid. The equity would be saleable and inheritable. It couldnt be used as collateral, as that might jebreoadize everyone elses ownership. Any adult that contributes to any household in any way would own a percentage. There could be a 3 month grace period for guests and it would be illegal to abuse this status, such as have a never ending flow of new 3-month-guests.
This would start equalizing the unfair distribution of wealth in a fairly short time. It would give pride of place to those who feel downtrodden, to those who have worked hard and just cant seem to get ahead, or who are sick and/or disabled. The disabled never will have the chance to have anything of value because in most cases they get disability, and that is usually limited to owning only up to $2,000.
The argument to this is, "but the disabled dont work, why should they own anything?". Because in some cases they did work up until they became disabled. And others have been disabled all their lives and would give anything to be able to keep a job. Call it what you want. Socialism, communism, I dont care. What it is is fair!!!!! What it is is caring for others other than just ourselves and our family. We are a human family, and until we start actng as such, the world will never improve, thrive, or even exist for all of us as it remains today! We will all lose if we dont start opening up our hearts, stop hoarding, and share. There is still room for those who want more to have more, just not in such a ridiculus lavish portion.

ग्रासिएस Life

Its not even 2 in the morning, and Im at my computer typing away. Why? Because I had an incredible dream so real, so detailed, and it was like I was being directed to write it down for its spiritual message:
I was really making bad choices in life. You could say I was a "sinner', as everyone knows a "sinner" to be. I was fumbling through my life and all of a sudden I found myself before the Overlords on high. They presented themselves as people like you and I. There were about 5 or 6. An equal amount of women and men. 3 I remember, one was an older dark skinned woman wearing a tribal sort of outfit, and another 30ish woman, caucasion, dressed in a business suit, and a hippie type man. They werent mad at me, they just knew I could do better and this was a corrective meeting. My main business was with Gracie, the businesswoman. Apparently she herself needed help in finishing her life on earth. For whatever reason she couldnt, she did not tell me, but I did know that this was another chance to make things right for myself as well as her.
She said that I would find myself in her life as her, but still retaining my consciousness. I was to be told absolutely nothing about her life except she added an interesting clue and said, that there was a little surprise waiting for me. Oh boy! a little surprise! After a whole life was a secret and I should have a little surprise? Didnt get her well meaning yet not funny statement.
I then found myself in a corner office of a business with questionable and confusing overtones. I didnt know anyone rushing at me with problems and questions. I didnt know anything other then I was now Gracie. I guessed at everything to the best of my ability and I was getting through it. I started walking around the business and it became clear to me very quickly that it was deceptive and lying to its customers. It was a mod podge of sales of strange unrelated items, to a mechanics garage. I walked in back and what was supposed to be there, didnt exist and the cars were just all sitting there not getting fixed. I knew at that point that I had to make these people accountable and build the garage to be what it was supposed to be.
It came time for me to go home after my first day at work, and I didnt know where that was. Luckily I carpooled with another person and I got to my house. That house was awful. It looked like Gracie hadnt had time to move in. It was trashy and almost empty. Another project for me in completing Gracies life for her.
As the days passed, there were many discoveries. The next super biggy one was that I was married to a soldier who was fighting in the middle east and that he was coming home in a month. The business was also his and I was going to get it in order as well as the house by the time he returned.
The next "little surprise" was that I was about 4-5 months pregnant. I think that was what Gracie was talking about. By that time I was taking these shockers in stride and just kept plodding away at my mission.
It was the night before I was to go pick up my husband at the airport the next day. But he had a surprise for me and came home in the middle of the night. As he approached the door, my consciousness became his and I experienced his entering the house that he had never seen before, through his eyes. He had a flashlight so as not to wake me and he looked around the house in awe of what I had done. He came into the bedroom, quietly undressed, and slipped into bed with me. I was laying on my side pointed away from him and he began spooning me. I awoke slowly and unafraid, as if he had been there with me for all those months. And darn, if that wasnt where the dream chose to end!
This dream was so long and convoluted. It went on even longer before it got to the part I recorded here. But it was just too confusing to write down. The important part began when I was called to meeting with the big guys. My life had no meaning before that and therefore I left it out. Even the part I did record was far more intricate and detailed, but I just didnt have the patience to write it down. It is, after all 2:47 in the morning!!!!!

अ बुक ऑफ़ इंटेरेस्ट मय्बे?

A book of interest to artists who like to paint Angels and fantasy type figures, and feel a little lacking in expertise is ANGELIC VISIONS, by Angela R. Sasser. I was killing time in Barnes and Noble and I am either compelled to the art book section or the new age section. That day I was craving an art fix. I had been thinking alot lately that I want to get more spiritual and fantasy-like in my art again. I started out that way because it was comforting to me. I could use some more of that comforting again. The universe supported me in this longing desire because it was the first book I laid eyes upon and exactly what I had been looking for. So, you can expect to see more Angels......in my artwork anyway. lol

हेल्प इवे बीन हच्केद और phished

This is to all my FB friends and family. Ive been totally blocked out of FB due to something happening, I dont know what or who. Ive been working on this for 2 days and there is nothing I can do. Ive tried everything. FB help has blocked me! Im hoping somebody will read this and have an answer. I cant get to my fan pages either. Can someone email me at huntress888@cox.net if they think they can help. I might be forced to start totally over as a new identity and lose all my friends Ive put so much time and work into. This is so totally f'd. My year has been foreclosure, bankruptsy, cancer, moving and now this. My FB friends have helped me through this and now thats gone. Ive either been hacked or phished. HELP!!!

लैटर तो अ Friend

This is a response I wrote to a friend who wanted some ideas and advice on art. I thought it would make a good blog.
"Color wouldnt be needed, just a little darker beige than the backround color. But if you want a color, lavender or violet would be nice.
What Ive found is the proper anything doesnt matter. Tooth, grade of paper, medium, or even mixing mediums that you wouldnt even think of mixing. If your paper buckles, you can still work with it and it will have a different effect. You could use salt, stamp over it, or remove bits of color. If the paper has more tooth than you want, you can paint under the pencil or over it with watercolor or acrylic. There is no limits to the combinations. This is a good way to use up stuff you have laying around the house that you would otherwise throw away. Approach it like a child would with the spirit of experimentation. They dont know what the "correct" way is. They just do it.
Your Tabby drawing is not a waste. You could highlight parts with acrylic paint or frame bits of it, the parts you really like, to make a collage or frame it as a miniature.
One way of getting yourself out of overblending is to set the alarm to go off at 1 hour (or whatever time) and stop work on your piece. It will do 2 things. It will teach you to work faster and more efficient. And it will make you stop and examine what really needs to be done after living with it for awhile.
I havent been doing anything for months because of "the big move". It probably wont happen for even a few more. When Im ready again, I will let my whimsical spirit lead me.
I like what Ive written here and I havent blogged for a long time, so you have helped me too, to write something for the blog. Its so wonderful how artists can inspire one another"!

वहत इस लाइफ?

I dont always stop enough when I feel the urge to write. I am hip deep in moving today, but Im going to break and write. This is one of my New Years resolutions.
I dont see the world like most other people. Everything is alive, and I mean everything. Animals, rocks, plants, and inanimate objects. Everything talks to me. I feel the pain of a tree removed. I feel the life and history of objects old and new as they are utilized by society. Many people found it hard to understand why I took it so hard and personally when we lost our house. It was an organism all to itself, a living entity. It was a death. I would not relate with this being anymore. And all the sub species of life risked being killed by one less conscious. Nothing would be repurposed, or respected, or handled in any sort of intelligent way. I let it go and all I see now is my future and the excitement that comes with making new friends and loving new and different things. Things come and go easily, this is true. But each "thing" will never be the same as the last. The universe is moving and evolving. Every molecule that comes in consciousness of our mind is affected and changed. Life itself is changed for everyone, past, present, and future. That is what the "Now" is. We will come to realize that there is no time continuum. Im really getting off track here with what I was wanting to say, or am I?
How does this relate to art? What better way to imbue an object with purpose intent, and energy than to create a piece of art. Art conveys to others the consciousness and message of the artist. Everyone is affected by viewing it whether they be sensitive or not. The ones viewing it will pass ithat energy along to everyone they come in contact with, and so on.
The sensitive ones will be more aware than the others, but everyone will be affected. Thats why Im bothered by gross and obscene art. Is this really what the artist wants to put into the environment? Ask yourself, would I want my Mother, my daughter, my brother to see this? How would I have felt viewing this when I was four? Confused maybe, even frightened? There is a positive and a negative. Positive energy promotes improvement, evolving. Negative energy tears down, deconstructs, devolves.
So what is life? Its what you make it.