Life As I Know It

Life as I know it is over. Nothing can be the same again. Maybe it shouldnt be. Very few times in my life have I been stricken by this overwhelming fear of the unknown. Ive always been pretty brave and adventurous. This is life shattering. I felt this way when I was taken away from Grandma, when my mother died, and when the judge sent me to a mental institution when I was just 13. It is a death. I am about to die. I wont be able to do most things I love and that center me. I have my precious dog, and her worth has soared out of sight for me now. Shes my lifeline. And I know that one day, not that far away, I will have to say goodbye to her as well.

Failure To Launch

Interesting title. Its been playing through my head along with wondering and fear. I guess it applies to what Im feeling. My disappointment in energies outside my line of control. Ive tried to manipulate, cajole, bribe, even threaten. I wore my raw crazy insides like a coat, only to be dusted over lightly like a lazy maid. What will it take? Were going down, I with him. He is busy keeping the fantasy alive and its not even my fantasy. Ive decided I must become a spectator of the soap opera called my life, and make myself comfortable for the show, maybe pop some popcorn. This ending is going to be phenomenal. Ill laugh. Ill cry. And It might not leave me with a warm fuzzy in my tummy. A cliffhanger? I hate cliffhangers. Its just a reason to make a cheezy continuance of what should have been put to bed long ago. Put to sleep even.