Enemies

Da Vinci question continued: How am I perceived by my worst enemy. I am not aware of any worst enemy. It doesnt mean that I am not percieved as that by someone. I know I have not done anything so terrible in my life to have acquired one. But that also doesnt mean there are one or more persons who are quite sure I did. I can think of one person right now that Ive been told, feels that way. That person has never said that to my face, so I really dont know. Its a failure on that persons part to honestly examine what happened and then trying to understand my position, and do some forgiving. I dont think in terms of having an enemy. An enemy comes out of a misunderstanding and an unwillingness to do anything about it. And it then grows into a big monster and involves many more people, sometimes whole nations. I know I have had many people be jealous of me. Maybe in their mind it makes them my enemy. More than anything it hurts me, because if they really knew me, I dont know how they could be jealous. I have as many faults as anyone, probably more. So again it comes from not wanting to examine the problem/issue. I know in my heart, I do not want to hurt anybody.
Maybe I should clarify what I just said. Its not true I dont wish ill on anyone. I do. Murderers, child molesters, animal abusers. To them I wish an eye for an eye. They did it to themselves.

Hypocrite

As I sit here eating my chicken, I contemplate my hypocrisy. Im against killing or abusing any animal for any reason. Hmm, whats wrong with this picture? I hate it that I believe I have to eat flesh. I despise myself for it. Ive tried many times to be a strict vegetarian and failed every time. You see, I get sick. My mental illness wallops me over the head, and the only fix is to eat pure non carbohydrate protein. Works right away, so I know thats what the problem is. No, its not just in my head. How could it be when theres nothing I want more than to stop eating meat. I literally cry when I think of animals getting killed for food. I feel like a reluctant vampire who has nothing but love in its heart, and yet must feed on human blood to survive. The self disgust I feel is at times overwelming. And yet if it came down to killing an animal myself versus dying, I would choose death. I will not kill anything for any reason other than defense of self or others. This is a real spiritual dilemma for me, because I believe it is a matter of spirituality and evolvement. Even though I truly believe this, I cant fault anyone else for eating meat either. This is a true conundrum for me and I really do not know how to deal with my hypocritical self. Yes, it does add to my depression. I feel really bad about it. The thing is we are all animals. And we are also spiritual beings having an animal experience. Its got me confused. How about you?

Role Models

da Vinci question: What are my most inspiring role models? At the moment, I cant think of anyone specific, although I know I have them. To generalize, it would be anyone who has a strong personal moral code, and is not afraid to stand up for it, even when its unpopular. Also anyone who has overcome insurmountable odds, on their own, and has reached out to others to help them. And people who have been blessed with everything in life, and yet realize that most of the world is not so fortunate, and has a conscious about that, and shares with others. Here I could name countless mega rich people who give of their fortunes, but I cannot think of anyone, in my knowledge, who gives enough in proportion to there wealth. Anyone who has to have countless mansions, an endless number of luxury cars, takes a private jet to Venice for dinner, spends thousands of dollars for one dress, is in my opinion, not giving enough. I personally could not live with myself or be happy, until I had lifted as many people up as possible. To think a child is starving to DEATH in Africa, would bother me. To be aware of the fact that our source of oxygen is being depleated every day at an alarming rate would, and does drive me crazy. And also, to know of countless animal abuse issues going unaddressed, because no one seems to care. If anyone in the world fits into this role, than they are my hero.