Gypsy Without A Clan

A gypsy without a clan is a lost person without a plan. Yes, thats me. If one doesnt have a supportive family, they have nothing. It is the sole determinator of wealth. A wild cannon, a balloon without a tether, a hole without a mole. Empty and unfullfilled, unloved and purposeless.
I have memories of a past life as a gypsy. The familial ties were strong and never to be broken. Only death would take away the body but still the spirit would remain. Even in death. My soul remembers this and I cant believe theres no one looking for me, desperately wanting to bring me home again. This whole life I had no family. Long ago what was family was familys, equally shared. It was made for all, shared by all, and inherited in death. A continuity of a line that began in the beginning and continues for all time.
Thats why to break this is a fate worse than death. Thats what I did. I ran away. It was over a disagreement of beliefs. Somewhere in there, there was a strong male beckoning me to leave. My new heart overtook my eternal heart and I was lost. They searched and searched. I ran and hid. It ended badly, tragically. There is still a hole in my heart and Im wondering where my family is. Why did they stop looking for me, why did they stop loving me.
A soul can own the whole world, but without your clan you are empty and without purpose, unable to ever be truly happy. I had it and I threw it away. Now karma is giving me a giant whack over the head. This life has been a life of constant movement, like a gypsy, but no family. I moved alone, afraid and unsure. No one to always be there no matter what. No one to raise me from childhood and there will be no one to hold my hand when its time to pass over. I have to wonder who will be on the other side to collect me. I can only think of one person and I havent seen hide nor hair of her since she crossed over, so she might not be there for me. Came in alone, will leave alone.
You cant make family love you. That love bond is either there unquestioned or forever missing. No one came looking for me. They did not wonder what happened to me. They have no idea the hell Ive been through, did not try to save me from that. They did not care whether I was dead or alive. They didnt think I had anything valuable to give and they shared nothing with me. These are hard words and I will accept the fallout. You cant lose something you never had to begin with.