Saint Francis of Assisi

I know I wanted this blog to be about the trials and tribulations in the daily life of an artist dealing with bi polar disorder and a rotten upbringing. Im finding it hard most days to stay within the desired guidelines. Just as I strive to grow and learn everyday, so does my blog evolve, and in that respect I am accomplishing what I set out to do. Theres not much talk about being an artist or discussion on BPD. There is, however, flexibility here in expressing the unfoldment of me, wherever that goes. Wayne Dyer has been a Godsend to me. Reading his book has really reached a place inside that I thought I would never reach. Anger is leaving, being replaced with love. I am learning to replace all unproductive emotions and thoughts with love. I ask myself constantly, "What do I love"? Negative thoughts find it impossible to dwell in a mind contemplating on what it loves. Below is one of the most profound bit of writing of all time, and I never truly conceived of what it really meant, untill now.

Lord make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

Saint Francis of Assisi

Dismissal Of Answers

"Dont dismiss as implausible spiritual answers that dont correspond to the way you want your life to be structured". This comes from a book by Wayne Dyer that Im currently reading. (I love Wayne!) There will be books and "spiritual" teachers that will tell you that you can manifest exactly what you want in life. I have not found this to be true. You can want what you want, but you will still be given what you need. To want something other than what you currently possess, changes things. It moves the energy, but it will be a different version of the same, and you probably wont like the process. If you can not be happy and at peace in your current situation, you will not recognise the spiritual answer that comes your way. It very well may be the poler opposite of what you had envisioned. You desired change and you were given the answer. We are like babies. The baby wants candy, but mom gives it healthy food. The baby may or may not like it, but it was hungry, and mom responded. It got what it needed for proper development, growth, and happiness. Our lower self will want many things that are not in our best interest to aid spiritual growth. We will never be happy until we realize this. "Dont dismiss as implausible spiritual answers that dont correspond to the way you want your life to be structured".

Keep Moving

I dont mean by this, keep moving your stuff or place. I mean keep moving, keep eating, keep walking, keep laughing, keep talking, keep meeting, and yes, if you must, keep crying. Movement is key to growth and healing. It is speeding up your vibration so that you will see happiness and answers when they come your way. If you are stagnant, you also will still see. But it will be one constant problem after another that will come your way. Nature does not reward stagnation. Even stagnation cannot remain so. We look at a cesspool of water, and its not moving. But in the higher vibration organisms are busy breaking something down that is toxic, into something fresh and renewed. A dead body isnt moving and by all appearances its the end, no more life. What looks like decay is life, constant movement, to make a problem into a solution. Whether you decide to or not, nature will eventually correct your inactivity with this same process of so called "breaking down". Or you can choose to be the initiate and be the driver, opening up new and fresh possibilities. In Wayne Dyers book, "Theres A Spiritual Solution To Every Problem", he states, "When you live exclusively in the slowed down, solid-appearing world, you encounter slowed-down, solid appearing circumstances, that we define as problems". This is a great book and is exactly what I need right now. Thankyou garage sale!

Heart. Not Production

I quit! I am a heart artist, not a production artist. I have felt that feverishly whipping out art for the public to sell was the mark of a successful artist. Who am I whipping it out for? My public is not clamoring, and there is no production company waiting for my next piece so they can make money. By being feverish, I have given myself a fever and have made myself sick. I concluded that after reading just a few words of Wayne Dyers book "Theres A Spiritual Solution To Every Problem". Here are some excerpts.
"Surrender. This is first because it is the most crucial and often the most difficult. For those of us who have grown up believing life is a do-it-yourself project it is hard to admit that we need the help of many others just to survive for a day. In order to surrender you must be able to admit to being helpless. Thats right, helpless. In surrender, my thoughts are something like this: I simply do not know how to resolve this situation and I am turning it over to the same force that I turn my physical body over to every night when I go to sleep. When I plug into the material world, I receive the illusions of disharmony and actually have the results inside of me. I feel out of sorts, hurt, upset, anguished and hopeless in terms of being able to solve or correct my problem. When I am plugged in this way I struggle to attain false powers. This struggle inhibits me from receiving mystical or spiritual power. Defining empowerment only in material world terms is a reflection of being spiritually disconnected."
I walked away from this computer after my last blog deciding not to return, unless the spirit moved me. Also I have left my art go until the spirit moves me to continue it again. What has been my way of being, has not worked. I may end up homeless, owning nothing but my precious Lily. If that is my path, I accept it. I await what is to come with acceptance.