Deconstruction

Because of the great loss of my home, which has caused me inconsolable grief, Ive had to rearrange the furniture in my mind. Tear down dreams, paint over loves, and live in a different space. Even though I am still here for as long as October, Im in a different place. I ve decided to take the dive into the deep end and live, work, breathe artist. I live in my studio. The studio is my home. Anything that is not in line with this new world is gone. My ideal plan is portrayed here, above. Ive deconstructed the home that Ive known and started to put together a studio. Even if the rare miracle happens that the bank will allow us to stay, these plans will continue. Where I hang my hat, I will hang the sign that says "GARDENER PARK". It is my identity. The studio is now an entity. No, I dont want to leave. I dont want to leave more than anything. It has felt like my guts were being ripped out, especially because of my beautiful garden that I have worked so hard to create. But above all, I AM AN ARTIST. Nails are going up on every wall along with a painting, finished or not. The house is being arranged for ease of operation of the business. What was a living room is now an office. Boxes are packed with things I may or may not get rid of, and stacked in a corner. If it is not in line with my vision, it is out of my sight. Garage sale items are lined up in the garage and ready for new owners. What I see for the future is all I see now. Im still going to cry, but even if we are allowed to stay this vision remains a reality.