OMG, Dont Have Internet

Yesterday I was forced to look at myself and the fact that I have an addiction. I went without my precious internet and Facebook yesterday, not by choice, but by meaness from the great computer god. I sat and wailed "why me computer god"? What have I done to offend you? How can I appease you, an offering, a sacrifice? Are you mad that I never clean the vehicle of your expression? Did I swear too much (cant help that)? Was I rude to eat in front of you and not offer you any. I really didnt think you would want what I eat.
Who have you been talking to and what are they saying behind my back? None of its true! Is that why you are so quiet? You and your cohorts are plotting against me? Thats it, isnt it? Well I aint going down without a fight!
My hand, operating on its own with orders from God knows who, was ordered to slap some sense into me. Wait a minute, could I, would I, be addicted, and Im going through td's? Just one day without my computer and I was going crazy! I didnt know what to do with myself. I was getting upset that I might be missing something that would be life-changing. No matter what I did, in the back of my mind I hear in a mechanical voice, COMPUTER COMPUTER. I was forced to take a good look at myself and see that I put way too much time into this machine. That is all that it is, a thing. I started accomplishing the things I had written on my to-do list, marking them off, one by one. Its good to be clean. I can think clearly. I see my world and my place in it.
Yesterday was one of the most fun, busy, fulfilling days that I have had in a while. And I really learned something. But thank God its working today!!!!!!!

Addiction

Wow, two blogs in one day! I gotta get a life. Im addicted to Facebook.

Life Is What I Make It

Yesterday held a possible promise of a chance for me and my career. But after sitting through long hours of hearing other peoples dreams, there was no space or time for mine. Another days wasted energy spent. I know Im not invisible, or else people wouldnt talk to me at all. They see me, but they dont see ME!. I simmer over with ideas and creativity. Im a great artist. I dont mean great as in an artist of note, but a darn good painter and drawer. Gosh darn, thats me, and I claim it. Theres nothing wrong with my confidence. Then what is wrong with me? Is it because Im not young and beautiful anymore. That held its own problems, because people still didnt see ME. I got their attention because I was nice to look at, and that is all. They never wanted to examine my brain. I am a woman of substance, and surface gratuity just doesnt do it for me. I refuse to be placated by being thrown a bone every now and then. I want this "show" to be about Me, for once in my life. Starts with ME and ends with ME.
I came home to a dismal existence and was very depressed. Later I had a panic attack because I couldnt stop obsessing about it. I feel like I have made a mental separation from my past, these last few days. Im ready and willing to let go of what I thought I wanted. I know now what I really want and it is crystal clear in my mind. Its almost like Im living it already. The problem is, is that my outside world does not resemble my inside world. What kind of magic wand will it take to make it appear before my eyes, because I know its there. I have been cultivating the life I want first, through the medium of Facebook. Im ready to take it to the next step. I will not be dismissed and ignored. Im not that sad little girl anymore.