Yesterday held a possible promise of a chance for me and my career. But after sitting through long hours of hearing other peoples dreams, there was no space or time for mine. Another days wasted energy spent. I know Im not invisible, or else people wouldnt talk to me at all. They see me, but they dont see ME!. I simmer over with ideas and creativity. Im a great artist. I dont mean great as in an artist of note, but a darn good painter and drawer. Gosh darn, thats me, and I claim it. Theres nothing wrong with my confidence. Then what is wrong with me? Is it because Im not young and beautiful anymore. That held its own problems, because people still didnt see ME. I got their attention because I was nice to look at, and that is all. They never wanted to examine my brain. I am a woman of substance, and surface gratuity just doesnt do it for me. I refuse to be placated by being thrown a bone every now and then. I want this "show" to be about Me, for once in my life. Starts with ME and ends with ME.
I came home to a dismal existence and was very depressed. Later I had a panic attack because I couldnt stop obsessing about it. I feel like I have made a mental separation from my past, these last few days. Im ready and willing to let go of what I thought I wanted. I know now what I really want and it is crystal clear in my mind. Its almost like Im living it already. The problem is, is that my outside world does not resemble my inside world. What kind of magic wand will it take to make it appear before my eyes, because I know its there. I have been cultivating the life I want first, through the medium of Facebook. Im ready to take it to the next step. I will not be dismissed and ignored. Im not that sad little girl anymore.
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