Jealous Of A Dog

My mind really gets to thinking about strange and long ago things. It just occured to me for the first time, why I hated dogs. Yes, you read right, HATED DOGS! When I started living with my boyfriends dog, I suddenly became obsessed with them, especially afghan hounds ( by the way, an afghan is not a good first dog choice). Up until then I was cat woman, and just as obsessive in that love as well. A switch turned on or off ( I choose to see it as turned on), and I was a dog freak. I ceased being a cat freak. I even started not liking cats. Hmm, interesting. Why did that happen?
I was watching a program this morning about therapy for dogs, and I thought, geez, even I cant get therapy for injuries, and yet people will pay out big bucks for their dogs. Now that was an old thought pattern, and it quite surprised me, because now Im one of those people who would spend anything on my dog and not even question it. How did this happen? Why did this happen? My mind then flashed back to when I was in foster homes. They had dogs. And the dogs were loved more and treated better than I was. You just cant imagine how that makes a child feel. And I was in a precarious place to begin with, needy. I felt no one loved me or cared anything about me. I was there because the household needed more money. As more money was needed, another foster child would be taken in. They had money to spend on their animals, 2 dogs, a cat, and 3 horses. I didnt see my money in the care I received. I basically lived on jello, and no snacks ever. I still have nightmares about scrounging around in their kitchen looking for something to eat. Because I was so hungry, I was willing to chance a punishment if I was caught. I learned to despise that boxer who they studded out, and fawned shamelessly on. Yes! I hated dogs. I later had a girlfriend who cared more about her Yorkie, than she did about me. I saw it everywhere. This unatural love for dogs.
The saying "Love me, love my dog" became a reality when I moved in with Marc and his BIG and LOUD dog. Something happened to me. Maybe because Marc didnt love his dog more than me. Or maybe I developed a relationship with a dog that wasnt colored with jealousy. I began to long for my own dog. And of course my taste goes towards the exotic, thus my first dog was an afghan, Selena. A love so natural developed. There was no learning curve. I fell into it like a duckling into water. What took so long? I could have had this joyful bond all my life. But wait, no I couldnt have. I was never allowed to have a pet. If I did somehow acquire one, it was promptly given away or killed.
I was jealous of dogs and I also could not let myself get attached to one because the relationship would only be a temporary one. It hurt too much. Avoidance was the cure. Now I cant imagine my life without at least one dog. My maltese, Lily, is the most precious thing in the world to me. Oops! Did I just say that? Am I by chance, becoming one of those humans who love dogs more than people? I hope not!