Waste Of Time?

Im sitting here in bed on a Sunday afternoon watching Bravo TV going into the fourth hour now. I just cant turn away. What the hell is this? Is this subliminal programming or hypnosis? This is sooo stupid and fascinating. Such a waste of time and educational. This what it has become for me. I love studying behavior, whether acted or genuine. You cant fool me as to what is real or fake about these shows, and I also cant walk away not learning something invaluable to me. Maybe for people who have had a full and experienced life in the positive, its a waste of time. But not for me. I didnt have what most people had growing up and this is how I learn about it. I dont know what a mother/daughter or father/daughter relationship is about. I dont know what its like to have a friend that youve had for years. I dont know what its like to grow up in one house with your own bedroom, go to one school, and have regular family get togethers. I was always the red headed step child on the perifferal, looking in on how the real people lived. The ones who were valued and were valuable. You can never know what this is like until you have lived it. Just as I didnt know what "they" had.
Im very good at absorbing feelings, my own, other peoples, whole crowds, the world even. So when I watch "reality TV", I am pretty much living vicariously through these strangers that I have come to know, and feel what they feel, somethings for the first time. There is absolutely no emotion that I cannot come to understand and I challenge anyone to test me on this. I can see life from every conceivable position. Out of a severe feeling of lack, came my intense desire to learn everything about everybody. Even though I can feel it, it isnt the same as actually lived it, so there still is alot of sadness that I didnt have the real thing. But Ive done what I can for myself and filled the coffers with whatever was at hand. Thats why Im still alive. There would have been no reason to live otherwise.