Da Vinci question: How am I perceived by my closest friend, my worst enemy, my boss, my children, my co-workers, etc. This might have to be a multi parted answer. We'll see. My closest friend, of which I only have one, thinks Im great. He loves me warts and all. Theres lots of warts, mostley where the public eye cant see them. This is because Im a good actress and very good at compartmentalising. Therapists will tell you this compartment thingey, isnt a good thing. It develops in childhood in defense of stress and abuse, as a survival tactic. If abuse is so severe, multiple personalities develop. Shades of Cybil? If Im anything at all, Im damn interesting. I always thought my life would be fodder for a good book or movie. Maybe not a blockbuster, but a revealing look into how the psyche deals with trauma.
Anyway, my long windedness digresses. He likes me because I guess he gets to have affairs with various women. I change from day to day, hour to hour. It would drive some people crazy. He's a Scorpio. He can handle it, or should I say, tolerate it. No one else has given me that most precious gift to me, of freedom. Everyone had a model of what they thought I should be. It always was a choice of conform, or get out. Eventually I always chose the latter. I was allowed to develop at 35 years of age, when I met Marc. I grew up and matured because I got to do it my way. It took awhile to trust, but it developed. Advice to those who say no one trusts them: be trust worthy! It has to be earned.
As far as the warts go, I can be evil, a bitch, a crybaby, uncaring, erupt like Mount St Helens, and do a very good impression of a witch (and I dont mean that in a good way). I dont like these various incarnations and is very often the source of self loathing. Because I KNOW better. I can defend myself quite well, and have sent big burly men scuttling away with their tail....well, you know. I think its the crazy factor. No one knows where to go with crazy. Its shocking, thus the scuttling. I cant be figured out. I broke Gods mold when I was made, because I found it too damn confining, and I got an anxiety attack. lol
So if anyone could love an individual like this. youre a better man than I am. Oh sure, I have lots of good things going for me, but theyre easy to love.
To be continued.....