End Of Poverty

I was reading an article about how to end poverty. Midway through it, I had to angrily and sadly throw it down. It stated that God loves me and all I have to do is trust this. I believe in God. I am not an athiest, but I got more uncomfortable as I continued to plough through the article. I wondered what was upsetting me so, and it hit me, I dont believe God loves me. I just couldnt swallow that idea. I dont feel it, I dont see it, I dont believe it. To me proof is in the pudding. Ive never been given pudding. To say to me that just being alive is proof God loves me, doesnt hold water. I havent been happy about being alive most of my life. So thats shot down. I suffer everyday dealing with depression and bi poler. You will say to me that Im exagerating. I am not. It is inpainful to be in this body, literally. I often think that if people knew how much pain I was in, they wouldnt understand how I can deal with it days upon days and not do myself in. I have to, because thats what I believe Im here for. To endure, for whatever crazy twisted reason God, or my high self has. Yes, this is what I believe. Also, I believe it is wrong to kill yourself.
How can I change this? Ive tried everything. My core belief is that my Father in heaven doesnt care enough about me to give me happiness. Everything that is given, is taken away, so I dont trust anything or anybody. I allowed myself to think that finally I got my reward, my house, after wanting a home all my life. I began trusting it that yes, this was really true. Then everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. No amount of praying did any good. Now Im back in the cesspool where I began. Talent has done me no good. Neither has intelligence done me any good. I just understand my pain more deeply and completely. Thats what any gifts I might have, has got me. It leaves me feeling dead and a fool for wanting anything.
If believing God loves me is the end of poverty, then I have a problem.